no perfect fairytale...

i dont want to be a mountain someone has to climb to see the horizon, to see the sun. i dont enjoy being in the way, but life gets messy. i am scared to cause people a detour in life, that i could be an unexpected thing, that no one sees coming or has time to plan for. i know there has to be some amount of spontaneous "ness" to life- thats the spice of life, but the element of suprise is...well...a suprise. i guess it depends who you are and if you enjoy suprises. i am terrified of the one i meet who will love me. i am scared to let myself go again, to have the expectations, to compare myself. my biggest fear right now- comparison! is that pathetic? i want the biggest and best life, lived to the fullest! but who doesnt? the thought of him looking at me and actually seing all this- knowing the real me- wow! and wanting the same things, seeing God in every moment of life. totally random subject but i was thinking the other day during church in the park, i want to be able to lean over and tell him to watch the pages of the pastors Bible as they dance in the wind, i want to share the little things with him, and i want him to think it is beautiful too. is it possible? to be enough alike but to still remain as individuals? in order to become one you have to have so many things in common right? or is that a misconception? is the idea of being side by side- FRIENDS- untill that ring is on my finger- can it really turn out that way? my perception of the 'perfect fairytale' is not at all a fairytale. i have another story in my head- its not from hollywood...its from my heart.