i feel like life is full of heart breaks. thats all. and maybe...just maybe you find one that lasts long enough that you can forget the actual breaking part. but that just a maybe.
i started that sentence with "i fell" and then erased it. MISTAKE. i did fall. and i hate myself for it now. i didnt whilst i feel. oh no indeed. it was amazing and beautiful and probably the first time i didnt over think every single thing. it felt right. at least more right then it does now.
but that feeling now....it doesnt apply. at least not to him. its been erased and completely forgotten. but for some reason, i wish i knew, the female persuasion loves to keep that feeling close, reliving it, in all its misery and emotion and depth. but theres a bluntness to mans version maybe comparable to a guillotine. will he ever read this no. but do i read what he writes. it takes a lot in me to not some days. mostly Gods grace, and humor.
thats the other thing...i really think God humors me a lot. just gives me little glimpses. like pieces of broken glass, he lets me stumble upon yet another one. and says 'can you see yourself now?' or better yet 'can you see a different part of yourself now?'
the answer is yes.
i used to look at my anonymous friends or followers or whatever they are on here...and just hope. so at least i can say i have hope. that has got to get me somewhere.
i hope
i continue
and i still love
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